What am i doing with my life?

The catalyst that resulted in this blogpost was because of something Zhen Jie said. He asked if i'm a perfectionist and it resulted in a whole avalanche of thoughts and ideas coming through.

I didn't really answer him, but i do have an answer now. It's NO. I'm not a perfectionist. I do not seek perfection. i believe perfection is a matter of perspective. What is perfect from one view may be imperfect from another. I do not believe in perfection, HOWEVER, i believe in doing to the best of my capability

if there were things in this world that you had to offer, things that you did well-- better than anyone else, things that you could do that helped people or made people feel better about themselves, well, he believed that it wasn't just a good idea to do those things, he believed it was your responsibility to do those things. Don't try to be something else. Don't try to be less. -Uncle Ben, Ultimate Spider-Man

Most people thought that uncle ben only said "with great powers come great responsibility", but the above is a quote from him which resonate very strongly in me. I hate being less than what i can be. I am perfectly aware of what i am capable of and i still feel that i'm so very far from it.

Looking at my pals around, so many of them have step out, going further and further away while i'm left here, eating their dust. Jeff is like doing a degree in law and business, Vincent is having the time of his life in Germany, Wenjie is a PSC overseas scholar with a masters degree and carving out a career now and Yan Pin is taking giant strides in politics.

I wish to first say that i feel that i'm in no way less capable than any of them. I'm perfectly aware of my own potential. But it's just that they have all moved on, so much faster and further. But I'm not sure how long can i maintain the view that i stand as equals among them. Here i am, just mugging incessantly for some stupid exams while my friends have moved on to greater things that transcend mere results and studies.

I really hope to do more, to the max of my potential, go further in something which i can call my own. I've read so many novels, only to discover that my friends have moved on to create their own stories, leaving me alone in my dreamland

Back to studying:(

Mark

PS: I think i'm really gonna suffer from a bout of depression emo-ness