So where does the problem lies?

The foreign talent issue in Singapore is of a particular interest to me. It seems that Singaporeans blame all their misfortune on the FTs. Poor bus service because of FT drivers, More MRT breakdown because of overcrowding due to influx of FT, greater competition in school due to FT, rising housing prices due to rising demand from FT. Lost of culture and cohesion due to FT. Wow...it really does seem like we blame everything on the FTs.

Could the FTs really be the source of all our misfortunes? I hardly believe so. I think that we need to take a closer look at the facts and re-examine ourselves before putting the blame on anything. Firstly, I think that we Singaporeans are a very prideful lot (This includes me as well). We are complaining that the influx of FTs are fighting for jobs on the SBS buses, the loss of our culture as they start setting up hawker stalls and taking over other low wage jobs. We need to be clear abt the causes and the consequences of all these. After FT's taking over such jobs the cause, or the consequences. Personally, I feel that it's the consequences of a prideful nation. Will I ever drive a SBS bus? Will I ever sell Chicken rice? Not in my wildest nightmare. Me aside, I hardly think that there is anyone willing to do them...dun even talk abt graduates and diploma holders...it's really hard to find a Singaporean willing to do such things now. This is the real cause of the problem. The FTs are the consequences. Does anyone see another viable solution to the cause of the problem? I can hardly find a better solution than the FTs

Perhaps these might not be relevant to people nearer to me...seems like everyone is moving towards being a professional these days. So here comes the FT competition we faced in schools. I used to dislike the FTs competing with us in local uni...but a conversation with a friend changed all that. Apart from all that scholarship talk etc, the advantage always lies with the locals. No matter how much they seem favoured, we cannot deny the fact that we are better equipped to deal with the competition. We have no problem finding social support, we have people to rely upon, we have been here for most of our lives. So if we were to lose out in exams, who can we really blame? Are we really blaming others for being smarter and more hardworking? This cannot be the case right? If we were to have the advantage and still lose out, then it's really our fault. This view came from a Singaporean friend who I guess is considered an FT for studying overseas. It is tough being an overseas student. People overcome odds and succeed...stop wallowing in our own failures, and get better. It's the same for the corporate world. If u are better than me, prove it. The last thing I wan is to be treated like a king in my country and realising that I'm an idiot outside.

The housing issue is another very interesting debate. My personal view lies in that housing must not be cheap, but it must be barely affordable. Make people pay through their noses for their houses. People complain abt taking 20-30 years to pay for their houses...which is right in my opinion. Houses are the only worthwhile investment due to the fact that they are the only things that appreciates in value (learnt this from my parents...one of the best decision they made). The FTs are here to make housing prices rise...GOOD! If u have a house, it's good rite? If u wan to sell a house, it's good rite? If u wan to buy a house, not as good, but still good since it's expected to appreciate. Skip the talk abt a housing bubble. We don't want housing prices to be excessively high, we want everyone to have a roof, but we also want everyone to pay through their noses for it. Can u imagine if we halve housing prices tomorrow. Most people assets drop by half first. If u ever need an emergency loan, ur house is not gonna worth much. The same goes for corporations who need collateral for loans. The economy will come to a standstill. If u are clueless abt investments...put them in ur houses. If u are smart abt investment, go make big bucks and buy houses. To conclude, housing is a basic necessity for everyone. Everyone should be entitled to one...but eveyone needs to make an effort to ensure that the prices keep rising.

I'm not defending FT's like Sun Xu who makes such remarks. But that incident was one of the most enlightening ones. Singaporeans are really becoming xenophobic. He was in the wrong for such remarks. Even I myself fell victim to trying to condemn him and the other FTs. But I soon realise how low we brought ourselves to. For that one comment of his, there are probably 1000 more from fellow Singaporeans, and probably 1000 times worse as well? Is this how we defend our sovereign pride? We pulled our whole country down to his level. We make a big hoohah abt each an every single comment directed as us while we turn a blind eyes on the thousands we sent their way. People condemn FTs on a daily basis these days, making them take blame from our own failings.

I'm not defending the govt as well. They have definitely miss out on certain things, but I am still of the view that they did more good than bad. They should be voted in for a simple fact that there no better alternative. No offense against any party, but for example if the PAP was overthrown by the WP in the last election, the next morning the Singapore Exchange will take a free fall, and it will definitely be unlike any of those seen in Singapore's history. We want change, I want change, but we are not ready for change. Change always comes at a cost...are we ready and willing to risk it?

The fact of the issue is that we have an exceedingly low birth rate, we have a population unwilling to take up certain jobs, we need to keep housing prices up.

We need to solve these causes as a nation. Everyone has been asking Singaporeans to give birth. Am I gonna have 4 kids in the future? Hell no. Am I gonna quit school now and sell chicken rice? My parents will kill me first. Do I wan my house to fall in value? Of course not! I'm selfish. I am not willing to make such sacrifices for my nation. The FTs are a solution that we have to suck it up.

Mark

The definition of Mark

The definition of self is a very abstract concept, and at some point in time, everyone will ask themselves "Who am I". It's a question that can be answered in millions of way. Is who am I defined by the things i do? the things i say, the thinks i think? What exactly defines a person then?

One of the most important lessons that I've learn from this topic comes from a book (can't exactly rmb the title but i think it's a Christian book). I was trying to find a way to define myself when i stumbled upon it years ago. In my own words, you will never be able to find and define yourself because of the fact that u are constantly exposed to new things and changing. The me when i first started writing this post is different from the me that is writing it now, and will be different from the me that has finished writing it.

So a definition for self is pointless. A definition is a fixed explanation (in my own words, go get an oxford dictionary for a more accurate definition of definition. haha). Self is never constant and fixed. As such, the right focus is not on self definition, but change. It's how your definition changed, not what is your definition.

Once I've got it sorted out, then it's time for reflection. It's a very interesting journey to learn how ur definition have changed over the years (it's a little like Jacen's Solo's flow walk...allowing u to see your past). There have been a few definition changing event in my life.

My most definitive moment actually came when I was in Primary school, but for certain personal reasons, I'm not sharing it here. But i do retain most of wad I've defined then.

I guess i will start with Secondary School/JC. It's basically the same period when it comes to me. So i was almost a full introvert then, the usual definition...keep to himself, dun talk, sit in a corner, the ostracised one, good grades. It's just that was how the first 18 years of my life added up to. A loss of passion and enthusiasm for things. A lack of interest in the people around me (I apologise to the 2 of u). Hmm...now that I'm writing abt it, what happened in Primary school actually caused this. So i fall into the typical nerd description...nothing special abt me then.

At this point, i feel that I must bring up one person. U are also define by the people around u as well after all. This person is not the most important, neither is he still around, but he did taught me quite a bit in Sec 4. He was made to sit next to me in class because he sux in math and chinese, and those 2 were my stronger subjects (I'm strong in all subjects...okok, ego check here). He taught me abt the value of hardwork. We always hear abt some high and mighty guy saying that a person will always defeat a genius with hardwork (Naruto comes to mind), but u dun exactly see it clearly in reality. He opened my eyes to it. I was top of my class...probably top 20 in my school (i know, not fantastic, but it's still good). He was nowhere near. But he gave my ass a very good kick by the time prelims came, performed better than me, went to Raffles, doing law now. He really did work his ass off, and he is someone I take my hat off. He is probably way smarter than me now. It's simple. U work hard, u become smart. No short cut to it. Hardwork is the only way

Then came the life-changing 2 years. I always described that 2 years as having more impact on my personal growth than the first 18 years. This 2 years were the ones that forged me and gave me an identity. My work requires me to deal with 2 vastly different group of people, from 2 different end of society.

One end consists of the Ah bengs...kind of had to keep them under control etc. This is a group i have absolutely no contact with prior to army, and most of my views abt them are negative (probably media influence). Throughout the one year interacting with them, I actually have gained a slight ah beng self...it's somewhere in me still. U actually learn not to judge them by the things they do. They do the craziest things, break all the laws etc, but if u would to spend time with one of them at a time, there is always a deeper story underneath (most of them tragic). This kind of forged the way i made friends these days. I have absolutely no interest in going for things like orientations and clubbing, where u know everyone and yet, no one at the same time. I prefer to single people out and know them. Everyone has a story deep inside...and its the one that helps u see a friend clearly. A life without tragedy is a real tragedy. Never go around trying to know everyone cos u really end up knowing no one.

The other end consists of the future pillars of society (cliche but true). At this moment, there are people who thinks that I'm like destined to succeed in life, but i can tell u that this other group of people that i've met in army are on a wayyy different level from me. They are really made to move the country and the world. U have to imagine this...me a midget (not in size, but in everything else), really standing among Giants (these are people who are scholars, having companies waiting for them to take over, or are just plain brilliant). This is a group which i learn a lot from. My greatest lesson from this group is that i've learned that I'm very good, but I can always be better. They gave me a lot of confidence, and yet humbled me at the same time. It gives me great confidence to be able to keep up with them, and at the same time, it's very humbling to see the kind of abilities and skills they possessed. On top of that, I discovered my voice. i know that my opinions mattered and I'm not afraid to share it. That level of confidence gave me a lot of courage to go toe to toe with a lot of things. Working alongside so many individualistic people resulted in me becoming quite individualistic as well, having my own thoughts and opinions on a lot of things. In short, u developed a character, personality, probably a slight attitude problem and a voice u know is ur own.

My working style is actually forged here as well. I think most people these days dun value individual responsibility. Everyone just seems to want group work and probably leech a bit off others. During army, each of us were given a portfolio each to handle (they are super huge...every night OT), but at the same time, there is a responsibility to the rest to ensure that nothing goes wrong with ur own side. So everyone has a huge responsibility, but ultimately, we are still working towards a similar goal. We know that if we succeed, everyone contributed, but if something fails, people won't say it but I will know if i'm at fault. Success is shared, responsibility is beared individually.

As for leadership style, i understood the meaning of leeway. There is a group of people who will actually be fiercely loyal to you, if u are willing to give some leeway and cut people slack when it doesn't matter much to u. At the same time, there will always be others out to eat you once u give them some leeway...nothing much, just eat them back.

Uni was a very disappointing period. i personally feel that I have regressed over this few years. I went into Uni very refreshed, individualistic, full of enthusiasm...but i can say that Uni robbed me of all these. The first thing that struck me was the people trying to network. Trying to just get my contact just because i might be useful in the future (hello...my name dun spell T-O-O-L). As such, i never got close to anyone in NBS. I have no interest in people who wants to know me so i can be of use to them. Interestingly, i spend more time in SPMS and having closer friends from SPMS and the engine side. I really dun know and dun wan to know anyone from NBS. I keep my relationships in NBS strictly professional.

The next disappointing thing is the modules that I'm taking. The modules are robbing me of my identity and individualism. I've found my working style and leadership style already, why is organisational behaviour trying to tell me how to lead and work in a team. Why do u wan to make everyone lead and work in the same way? Then comes the communications modules where they try to tell me to write and present in a certain way. My writing style is mine! There are people who can actually recognised me through my writing style. Why is the school trying to make me lead, work, write and speak in a certain way. I dun wan to be a carbon copy of everyone. Everyone should be allowed to lead, work, write and speak in their own unique ways, bringing their uniqueness to the outside world

I was on the topic of projects with one of my seniors. We eventually discussed abt a certain aspect of projects. Why can't we prove our projects wrong? Projects are always done in a certain way. U have a proposal, u come out with statistics and experiments to support ur proposal or hypothesis. Then u say ur idea is the best. Question! Why must the statistics and experiment u find always support ur idea? It's blasphemous. Everyone knows that Thomas Edison failed thousands of time before bringing light to the world. Apparently he went to ask his prof why can't his report prove his proposal wrong and the reply he got was that "it is the school policy and how it is done". Wow! This is an academic saying this...I have lost faith in professors. Always thought that they should be the ones unafraid of failure, always challenging ideas in pursue of knowledge. How wrong can i be?! So every hypothesis u make have to succeed...or make them succeed. We are here to gain knowledge and this is how they teach us. Disappointing to the max. I've given up on education already.

Next, people always ask me why I dun get involved in certain things, or like get leadership position. A lot of people take on leadership position because they are trying to prove themselves to others. There was a period when i was guilty of it as well. But u soon realised that it will never be enough. You will never be able to convince everyone. The only person u have to prove to is urself. Once I realised this, i never wanted any leadership position (at least not at the moment). Like i said previously, i know how good i am already. I dun need to prove it to myself, much less others. And i like having more time on my hand to write my blog :)

The quest to look for one self never ends, but a person's own history helps define him better. Dun live through life just by going through the motion, by doing wad others wan u to do. Say no at times. The world has too much to offer, be selective at times, yet, dun close all your doors. Take some time off, reflect. Every person u meet, every word said, every situation has a lesson to teach. Learn to look harder.

Mark

PS: Writing this is super tiring but very fruitful :D

A long overdue self-examination

It's seems like everytime i blog, I lament abt the fact that it's been too long since I last blogged...as usual, school work piling, all that report writing is severely dulling my writing style.

I'm suppose to be doing work now, afterall, since I'm staying in ZX's hall on a Saturday for the purpose of clearing up all my miscellaneous work. But i guess I can take a break bah (afterall, I was calculating exchange rate till like 4am last night, acting all unfriendly (as described by ZX's friend) while the Mahjong session went underway).

There's always a catalyst that inspires (or makes me moody enough to write), and the catalyst this time is the career fair. Why the career fair? Isn't suppose to be a boring place where u gather brochures, go home and start applying for a job. The career fair actually woke me up from my delusions and really make me think abt my career (It was actually just one moment at the career fair actually...just for the writing drama effect)

I guess this whole story dates back to when I first applied for NBS. The story is similar to most others...didn't know wad to apply for, so just apply for something general then wait and see as time past. Next came army...only at the career fair did i discover that I found my passion when i was in the army. But my time in NTU NBS actually clouded me.

Somewhere deep down, I've always known that NBS is way off my natural element. I never really belonged. but when u are surrounded by the culture, it's inevitable that you will try to fit in, to find common interests (finance issues) with other students. These feelings were actually magnified during the application for the professional attachment. All the other B&F students are applying to the big banks and corporations, and I've been told that I should as well, and would probably even get in given my grades and my adequate language skills. I did try to like the banking industry, but i really cannot foresee myself dealing with the CAPM, bond and equities for the next few decades.

Of course, initially, I went to the Career fair looking for a bank or an equity firm (things B&F students are looking for), but when i step into the fair, I didn't even take a single look at any of these. This is when i realised that I've never been true to myself in this 2 yrs in NBS. On the other hand, there was only 1 booth which caught my attention, The CPIB booth. That was the single definitive moment in this 2 yrs in NTU when I'm cleared of all my delusions with banks and financial institutes and really brought my true self back out again. My passion lies towards law enforcement and investigation (dun laugh)

At that moment, I realise that I know wad I've always wanted since army, but these 2 years in NBS has actually buried it so deep under all that B&F crap that I've lost sight of it. The signs have always been there, but I chose to ignore them. When I was in army, I had a cushy job, but eventually, I demanded for a lot more and got to do investigations. And boy, that was the most wonderful and fulfilling job i ever had. When the phase 1 application started, I applied for forensics services and well as for CPF (policies against fraud). The signs were as bright as the sun but i was so occupied with the finance industry that i overlooked everything. But now, at least I'm quite sure of which direction I'm suppose to move into.

I'm not very sure what repercussions there might be for such a decision, but the interesting thing is, the people around me aren't very surprised...it's almost like they were waiting for it to happen already and were more surprised by the fact that it took me that long. Friends around me told me that I totally have that kind of look...I hate to use the word "militaristic" on myself, but that is the most common description. Even my parents went "FINALLY" when i brought it up. So I guess it's really 当局者迷 in my case.

So wad now? Rest assured that I'm not going to do anything drastic such as dropping out of school etc. There's nothing much to do but to complete my course and then apply for it...and what happens after that is really not within my control anymore

Your Colorgenics Profile

Was bored at home, was looking through blogs and found this...pretty interesting i must say

Colorgenics Number:	4/1/3/5/0/7/2/6/

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.

You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!

You are feeling under considerable pressure and you are being forced to make concessions. You are not particularly happy with this state of affairs but you feel that you have no alternative. If you were to force issues you would be left out or completely ignored by one and all.

You are trying to prove yourself - not only to yourself but also to everyone around you. There is much that you would like to say and do but the situation warrants self-restraint and that is the last thing that you have on your mind. It would seem that you have an unsatisfied need to ally yourself with others whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to stand out from the crowd. This is subjecting you to considerable stress but you tend to stick to your attitudes despite lack of appreciation. Of course, you are finding the situation uncomfortable and would like nothing better but to break away from it but you don't like the idea of compromise. Your main problem is that you are unable to resolve the situation because you continually postpone making the necessary decisions. You feel that if you make the wrong choice this would lead to such opposition that you would not be able to command the esteem of others. It is essential that those around you are prepared to comply with your wishes.

You feel that you need to move on. You feel that you are not appreciated or valued for what you are and that the time is 'now'. Failure to do so will not afford you the conditions to prove your worth.

Hmm...I'm not gonna comment much. Just the bold parts are probably some food for thought. And I dun exactly agree with everything it says

Mark

Singapore and the rest of the World

My father used to tell me that I will only appreciate Singapore after I've been around the world...now that I've been back for almost a month, I think it's time to examine this.

As with any good essay, I have to agree and disagree with my father. In terms of convenience, the transport system, the infrastructure, Singapore is definitely unmatched. Even when i was in New York, Singapore's hardware still beats it hands down

But in terms of heartware, Singapore will easily plunge all the way down into the bottomless pit. There have been several incidents to illustrate this since I came back. The one that left the strongest impression was my trip to the ICA. Was there to renew my passport and I would rather talk to the computer than to the lady who served me. It's typical Singapore's service...Look at ur computer, talk to whoever is in front of u (pray that it's not ur boss though) and hope he goes away without giving u too much trouble. It was simply atrocious, no eye contact, tone of voice wasn't there, body language was for the computer and I dun even dare to expect a smile. I dun think she even knows how I look like after i left.

The interesting thing is that, after i left, Ben left a comment on Facebook, abt how horrid the service in MOE is (he's applying for contract teaching) and we had a short convo on Facebook. Someone left a very interesting comment...in essence, when it comes to service it's a trade-off. The Americans invest a lot of time and effort into each customers, resulting in less efficiency but more effectiveness. Singapore, on the other hand, invest minimal time and effort into each customers in order to deal with the large volume.

The next part of the convo on Facebook lead to the next qns...which do i prefer? In the heat of the moment, I rmb replying that I'll take the American way over the Singaporean way but after cooling off, I dun actually have an answer for it. The main gripes that we have in US is that they are often too slow, and in Singapore, too rude. We obviously want the best of both worlds but the truth is that we will never have it. So i guess we do have to accept this as a fact...at least for now

This topic was actually carried on another day, with Wenjie in his car when we went to Malaysia together. After the incident at ICA, I kind of conclude that the Americans have way more professional pride in their work, which is why they put in a lot of effort into each individual customers whereas Singaporeans just wants to get the queue moving. In the States, I've seen several college students who have been lifeguards there for 6-7 years. Now ask urself...how would ur mom react if u tell her that u want to be a lifeguard after graduating from uni?

Unlike Singapore, there are no social classes when it comes to type of work in the States. In Singapore, we do shun jobs like cleaners, taxi drivers and have our own job hierarchy systems. In the States, each job is treated with a lot of respect and dignity. My eventual conclusion is that the Americans are tasked up to 60% of their capability, and they stretches this 60% to fill up 100% of their working hours. Hence, they do have more time to perfect their work. Singaporeans on the other hand, fits 120% workload into their 100% time...leading to much higher efficiently but considerably less time to joy at work

This is where Wenjie came in with his enlightening views. The professional pride which I've seen and like in US does not come free...it does not even come cheap. Did you notice how the meter in the taxi jumps. Did u notice how much the cleaners are paid in the States? All these are the price of professional pride. Everyone is valued, and the way to show that they are valued is through high wages.

And so the next qns is...can Singapore afford it? Can we stay competitive? Can we afford our graduates to go become taxi drivers etc? Singapore needs a job hierarchy system so as to push everyone to the top in order to compete globally. The States can afford such things due to their sheer population size whereas Singapore needs each and every able mind to go fight for a foot place in the global world.

What happens if half of our graduates choose to go for jobs of a lower hierarchy...who's left to drive the nation forward? This kind of brought closure to my thoughts and hopes of an ideal Singapore where everyone takes pride in their work and greet everyone with sincerity...we really are a country limited by our own constraints.

To make my first conclusion, it's not that Singaporeans are rude and provide poor service, it's just that the situation we are in does not allow for it. I'm pretty sure that given the right situation, environment and frame of mind, we will definitely be up to standard

The first half of this post would have ended nicely, but it really pains me to carry on with this part. Just when I thought that I've managed to reach a justification for Singaporean's behaviour, this had to happen...

Seriously, I cannot find any reasonable justification for such behaviour. This is not abt whether Tony Tan is qualified to be President or not, it's abt our people. I find it extremely disturbing that the people are reacting like that towards a presidential candidate. It shows an utter lack of respect towards presidential candidates, the constitution, the system, the country and themselves. It's scenes like this that make me examine whether am I a singaporean, am I a part of all these, do I want to be a part of all these, and ultimate, do I want to be a Singaporean? People have been complaining abt the behaviour of foreign workers, but are we any better when we display such antics even in our own country?

It took me so long to finally be able to justify the behaviour of our people, and all it took was one viral video to make me realise that perhaps, I've painted too rosy a picture of our own people. Let's buck up as a country!

Mark

Is speech redundant?

Of course it's not...but i can't help but ponder that speech does make communicating more complicated. Lower level forms of speech involves basic transmission of ideas and information, whereas, interestingly, higher level speech seems to impede this basic concept.

Every early into the course, my communication fundamental tutor once asked me this, "What do u think is the purpose of this course" and my reply was "to learn how to manipulate your audience to achieve your objectives". As we can see, if u are able to grasp the subtlety in that reply and the choice of words use, u should be able to infer how i felt abt the course...but the qns is...what if we dun? Why didn't i just say that i hate ur course? Wouldn't that be much easier for everyone to understand? Why complicate matters?

This inspiration for this post largely from an episode(hush) in Buffy, where everyone in town lost their voices. Early in the episode, the main characters were always beating around the bush in their speech, using sarcasm, bantering and witty one-liners to hide their true feelings, emotions and intentions. But after they lost their voices, things were very much different. Sure, there were misunderstandings and embarrassing situations, but communication did became more primate-like (i couldn't find a word to describe) in nature. If u like someone, u just go over and hug her. If u dun like someone, u just go over and punch him. Isn't it simple?

And this brings me to the marketing module. There was this part on communicating and the part which i want to focus on is the encoding and decoding of information. For a successful communication, the person at the receiving end must decode what u have encoded. Without speech (or with just the most basic level of speech), we can totally skip this whole process and reduce the chances of misinterpretation.

Look at us now, for most of us, we have achieve a good grasp of speech. Thus we tend to over-encode our speech...encoding them with things like sarcasm, bantering, story-telling, quotes, anecdotes amongst many others. Of course, the person at the receiving end will then have to peel open each of these levels in order to get the real message...and if they fail, then u get a 牛头不对马嘴 incident. It happens to me very often...in the midst of a conversation, i'll say something and the person could not understand or find an appropriate reply...and the conversation stops abruptly (that's why i really appreciate people who can banter with me and understand the figure of speech i used!!!).

Turning the spotlight to myself (SEE!!! Why can't i just say "talking about myself" I have to go use expressions like "turning the spotlight"), I do hide behind a lot of bantering, story-telling and role-playing in my speech. Looking at this from another point of view, I do enjoy this ambiguity, where u are unable to totally grasp the meaning, wondering if there is another message beneath the message. Life would be so boring without these ambiguities.

Be true to yourself and others. Think less, speak less, communication more.

Mark

PS: I can't believe i'm writing this at 5am in the morning. I'm such an interesting person (easy to understand right) and I love myself (narcissistic but still easy to understand) WAHAHAHAHA

Semester 2 - in hindsight

What to say, Yr 1 Sem 2 is officially over, with the end of my last paper yesterday. This sem has been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride. Gonna break it up into parts.

NTU
I think NTU has been nothing short of amazing. Really enjoyed the atmosphere in the school. I guess this was the reason why i chose NTU over SMU more than 3 yrs ago. NTU can offer me the kind of serenity that i desire. Spending the weekends in school helps a lot in clearing my mind. After hours of cramming, there is nothing more refreshing than talking a walk through the school compound, being able to discern the individual sounds in NTU.

During weekdays, NTU is buzzing with activities, contributing to the random chaotic mix of sounds/noises with everyone rushing for classes and having small talks with their cliques, but during the weekend, u can hear the difference. U can make clear the individual footsteps, ur own and others. U can enjoy the melody of nature, the rustling of leaves and birds chirping. U can listen to the artificial man-made noises caused by the wheezing of the air-conditioner and the roaring of the car engine. And for some reason, I've heard children's laughter as well. I know this sounds like some poetic paragraph from a fantasy novel, but NTU on weekend is really a dream come true for me. Take some time off and appreciate the school. Try walking from the North Spine to the South Spine alone in the middle of the night with an ice-cream cone in ur hand...it helps to put things in perspective.

Studies
I am totally disgusted by my attitude towards my studies this sem. This comes in 2 forms.

I had a totally negative attitude towards my subject this sem. In the previous sem, i absolutely enjoyed the methodical approach of Accounting, the pure genius behind the different rationale and arguments in Business Law and of course, everyone's favourite, Financial Management. Contrast it with this sem. At the start of this sem, i would describe Marketing and Organisational Behaviour (OB) as fluffy subjects, all talk, no substance and communication fundamentals as totally redundant. So this was the mindset that lasted through the semester. However, as i was nearing the finishing line, i actually found myself being able to appreciate these subjects a lot more, seeing the value in them. Such a revelation revealed how close-minded i have been, losing myself in my own biased perceptions and not giving these subjects a due chance. This is something that has to go coming next sem.

Next would be my attitude towards my grades. My stint in NS has "opened" my eyes, only for it to be "closed" once again. During NS, i concluded that there were really things that are way for impt than just grades and exams. This resulted in a more relaxed me during the first sem, where i believed in putting in just my due effort and results matter not. However, the 4.63 that came afterwards changed that. I now conclude that success is very addictive. Once u have it, u will do everything to defend it. So this resulted in a mindset where i need nothing less than an A, if not my grades are falling. This means i cannot accept anything less than perfection in this semester, resulting in a lot of undue stress and pressure from myself. Coupled with the negative mindset that i have towards my subjects, this sem, in terms of my studies, was no fun at all and more of a chore.

I know some people do see me as being very cocky and arrogant, especially in my studies. In a sense, i do believe in going for exams with the right mindset. If u think u will fail, u will. So i always tell others that i'm going into the hall, get an A, come out and give myself a pat on the back. This sounded arrogant to others but the only reason i do so is because i know that i'm probably not going to do as well this sem, and i really do need to generate that kind of confidence to give myself a boost. Now (after the papers), truthfully, i dun think i will do as well as last sem. But as i always like to describe Hal Jordan like this "Hal will fly into an exploding star with a 1% ring charge", so i can definitely go into my exam hall without fear.

Personal Life
I'm not very sure about this but i would like to think that nothing has changed. I'm still me, still the wise-cracking, sarcastic brat who likes to speak in circles and tell stories instead of going straight to the point. Still the guy who does not wear his emotions on his face. Being totally hopeless in crowds. Forever the over-thinker who can find absurd links in things and ideas (tell me 1 and i will think that u are trying to saying -10) and eternally struggling with dissonance with myself, my ideas and things around me.

Dun wan to talk abt CCA, i think things are starting to get a bit too complex and convoluted there. Dun know where, who and what to start with

So now, HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD. Before the next sem even start, i'll be looking forward to my diving trip (i really really want a SHARK!) as well as my US trip...probably be starting a new blog to record down my adventures

Tschüss (Bye in German)
Mark